My nipple is on Facebook.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
