Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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