Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
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I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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