So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
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He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I want her autograph on my taint
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
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That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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