my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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