Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
