she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
