dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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