Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
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You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
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SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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