just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
