i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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