I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make