this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor