I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"