i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
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She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
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this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.