You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
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There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
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all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?