i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dicks are not precious.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.