she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
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I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
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Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been