I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to