there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.