The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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