he thought i was a dude.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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