The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
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If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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