I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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