you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
