Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
