you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize