it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
