I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
