I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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