She said her name was "party"
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize