More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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