I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
