I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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