don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
no, he came in my armpit
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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