I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
