I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work