Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.