Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements