I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
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So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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