I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
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Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
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YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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