cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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