Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize