Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
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My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
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i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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