Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize