I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
