My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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