Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
