Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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