So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
