this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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