I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
