I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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