I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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