"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
