i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize