Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
