You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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