If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
