Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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